Dear sons,
If this is your first time here, go back to the first day.
Mark Batterson talks about the tenderness of the heart, surrounded by tough skin. I think about the ribs and tough backbone. I think about how God took one of those ribs meant to protect our heart and gave it to a woman to make her.
One time when I was a kid, my mother said she had always heard that men had one less rib than women (we don’t) and wanted to count mine. I had to be younger than 12 but I remember her beginning to count my ribs but accidentally tickled me so much that my laughter could not allow her to finish her sincere but naïve experiment.
The analogy is that tender heart of love must be surrounded by tough skin and tougher bones. Twelve ribs may be coincidental in anatomy but not so for God. Twelve is a holy symbol of completeness. Twelve months in a year for the moon to go through its phases. Twelve periods in the same year for a woman to cycle through her release of fertile eggs. Twelve tribes, 12 disciples, 12 times the number 12 is used in Revelation*. Ribs are tough but breakable and can only be healed with time. They are hard, but flexible, able to move with the rhythm of our breathing.
You need flexible ribs, a strong backbone and stern sternum to protect a tender heart. I sense your struggle in loving TC3 and the delicate balance of being loving, but tough. Thirty years into this parenting thing, I FEEL YOUR PAIN. But please remember this: don't confuse tenderness without toughness as love. Diligent discipline is a part of love and without enough of it, you will raise a indulgent, spoiled, disobedient brat. With too much harsh discipline, you will raise a scornful, resentful, hateful, distant rebel. I probably erred on the side of toughness in my raising of you boys and I am sorry. I pray for a better balance in your experience, but also for a slight toughening of your tender love for a sweet but occasionally mischievous, even cutely and subtly manipulative little boy.
You need flexible ribs, a strong backbone and stern sternum to protect a tender heart. I sense your struggle in loving TC3 and the delicate balance of being loving, but tough. Thirty years into this parenting thing, I FEEL YOUR PAIN. But please remember this: don't confuse tenderness without toughness as love. Diligent discipline is a part of love and without enough of it, you will raise a indulgent, spoiled, disobedient brat. With too much harsh discipline, you will raise a scornful, resentful, hateful, distant rebel. I probably erred on the side of toughness in my raising of you boys and I am sorry. I pray for a better balance in your experience, but also for a slight toughening of your tender love for a sweet but occasionally mischievous, even cutely and subtly manipulative little boy.
There are distinct times I remember having what Oswald Chambers would call an “abandoned” love for God. I was still in high school and young in my calling to truly serve God. My brother, Ronnie, Bobby Roan and David Swart and I all drove down to Galveston for my first road trip in 1979. We drove late into the night and slept on the beach only to be awakened to a rain shower and had to run to a shelter. The next morning I ran to a set of rocks, carrying my green King James Gideon New Testament and Psalms. I opened it randomly to Psalm 91, and I will never forget how I felt God talking directly to me through the passage.
Another time, I was heart broken over Melissa and I being broken up. I had been reading how the Israelites would make stone altars in memorials to God and I went out to Soldier’s Spring Park and fell down on my knees praying. God spoke to me and said as surely as I would be called into the ministry, I would also have Melissa at my side. I made a stone altar of rocks with a border and the name Jesus spelled out within it. That was in 1982 and a year later we were married. I took a picture of that altar the next day and I wish I still had that photo, but it is forever emblazoned in my mind.
A third time, shortly before youngest son was born, I had abandoned my call in the ministry and was enrolled at Texas Christian University to get an Master’s of Business Administration. This time, I was not “abandoned” to God, but rather felt abandoned by God. Aunt Michele was going through a rough time and I remember talking to her one night, trying to “minister” to her. After she left, I prayed late into the night for her and suddenly God spoke quietly to my heart, saying that same need for ministry is needed by many other people. I felt God’s presence so strong I literally danced in the dining room of our 330 Cherry Street house at three in the morning, all alone but never alone from God. I quit TCU soon after and resumed my studies at seminary, always wondering what would have become of me had I pursued a master’s in Business Administration, rather than a master’s of religious education. I wondered, but I never regretted that divergent path in that fork in the road of my life.
Those tender memories of tough love for God awakened me this morning and wanted to share those snippets of life with you, my sons, today.
Batterson speaks of how love must be tough, but it must be toughened as well. Hard times toughen the heart of love for God and our spouses and others.
It’s tough to hear someone renounce his faith in God. Tough to see someone else hauled off to jail. Tough to hear a phone call of a near fatal accident. But tough times don’t last. Tough love does. A broken heart indeed comes back stronger, with a deeper love like that which I have for you and that is growing deeper for my SIL.
Love you toughly,
Dad/Pops
*12 thousand sealed in the 12 tribes (7:5-8);
12 stars (Rev. 12:1);
12 times twelve thousand men redeemed from the earth as first fruits (14:1-3);
12 gates;
12 angels;
12 tribes (21:12);
12 foundations;
12 apostles (21:14);
12 thousand furlongs (21:16);
12 times twelve thousand cubits as the measure of the walls (21:17);
12 pearls (21:21);
and 12 fruits (22:2).
12 stars (Rev. 12:1);
12 times twelve thousand men redeemed from the earth as first fruits (14:1-3);
12 gates;
12 angels;
12 tribes (21:12);
12 foundations;
12 apostles (21:14);
12 thousand furlongs (21:16);
12 times twelve thousand cubits as the measure of the walls (21:17);
12 pearls (21:21);
and 12 fruits (22:2).
No comments:
Post a Comment